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Socialising alcohol-free during the holidays

Happier Holidays with Club Soda Paying attention to who Socialising alcohol-free during the holidays

We live in a society that teaches us that alcohol and socialising are synonymous. Whether it’s connecting with our partner, being reunited with friends or celebrating a happy occasion, alcohol can play a big part in our relationships at any time of the year. And as we know, alcohol plays an even greater part during the holiday season, and we feel we must celebrate, celebrate, celebrate, over here, over there, with this person, with that group… it’s exhausting to even think about.

Making the shift to spending time with others alcohol-free isn’t always straightforward, though. Take a moment to think about the people you’ll be spending time with over the holidays. Is someone that person – you know, the one who’s always up for another drink and who won’t take no for an answer? Most of us do know some people who are like this. And often, we know that they are like this because they have difficulty saying no to a drink themselves. We may even be able to see some of ourselves in them now we’ve started this work and are delving deeper into ourselves, which can be scary.

It might start to seem like socialising alcohol-free in the holidays is too much of an ask. What will people think? How will I manage to stick to my goals? It’s gonna be way too hard, this isn’t for me!

When people blow you off course

Let’s turn this on its head. Our internal self-talk can create battles. You want to keep to your goal, but your internal saboteur is keeping you busy posing seemingly diabolical problems, hurdles and dilemmas that ‘clearly’ need alcohol to deal with. It nags because it is not enjoying the discomfort. The feeling of denying yourself at times when you normally drank.

It will begin to create magical thinking to persuade you that you need to give up your alcohol-free quest or scrap your plans of mindful drinking. It will suggest alcohol had amazing properties that could fix everything – such as an annoying person or a lonely time. 

Deep down, we know this is not true. But the inner voice is strong and looks for chinks in your armour. The internal debate in your head can be tiring and slowly wear you down. You may allow in a subconscious hope that the longer it goes on the more likely you are to give in.

One of its most powerful tools is using other people to give you an excuse to drink. After all, it allows you to pass the blame to someone other than yourself. It was because Uncle Jack was annoying, your mother passive aggressive, your partner was at their first family home and so on.  

You need to stop it in its tracks. Close the conversation down before it can get any purchase on your willpower. You need to challenge it. The only person responsible for what you drink is you.

Planning to succeed

Whether you are just taking a night off or having a longer break from alcohol, you are not literally stopping drinking. You are just choosing an alcohol-free option.

In reality, this can take some planning. If you are socialising in a pub, bar or restaurant, check out their drinks menu in advance so you know what’s on offer. Lots of places have their menus online, or will happily tell you what they stock over the phone. If their choices are limited, ask the staff for advice. If you are socialising elsewhere, you could tell the host in advance. Or you could take some alcohol-free drinks of your own. This is where our if-then plans come into action.

And it helps to remember that when people offer you a drink, they are saying to you, “Your presence here is important to me. And I want to include you.” Once you’ve understood the motive behind the question, you don’t have to say no. You can say yes. And in lots of cases, people don’t care what’s in your glass.

There are a couple of approaches you might use when someone offers you a drink – and both of them involve saying yes, please:

  • “Yes, I’d love a drink. Thanks. What have you got that’s non-alcoholic?”
  • “Yes, please, I’d like a [insert name of drink from your research]”

Practise what you’re going to say in the mirror before you go out. Do it with confidence and a smile, just like you would if the person was right there in front of you.

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